Before You Offer Advice, Ask One More Question

By T.W. Shortt, former U.S. Army drill sergeant and Principal Broker, REALTY WORLD® Knox Realty Group, LLC — The Fort Knox Office™

Years of training real estate agents, raising five children with my wife, and serving as an Army drill sergeant have reinforced the value of one simple invitation:

“Tell me more about your situation—or your position on this.”

Those words give the other person an opportunity to explain. They also remind us that understanding should come before advice.

Experience helps us recognize familiar problems. It can also tempt us to reach a conclusion before we have heard the whole story.

Let the Other Person Explain

When training real estate agents, I emphasize the importance of understanding the person behind the transaction.

A prospective buyer may begin by saying, “We want to buy a house.” A useful response is:

“Tell me more about your situation. What is prompting you to consider a move?”

That invitation can lead to a discussion about timing, financing, family responsibilities, or uncertainty about where to begin. Each answer helps the agent ask a better follow-up question.

The same approach helps when someone expresses a position we question.

“Tell me more about your position. What led you to that conclusion?”

Now we have an opportunity to understand the reasoning, experience, or concern behind the statement. We can respond to what the person means.

The question only works if we listen to the answer.

Lessons From Family Life

Raising five children with my wife reinforced my appreciation for individual personalities and perspectives.

People within the same household can see the same situation differently. As a parent, taking time to understand that difference can help us address the concern more thoughtfully.

“Tell me more” makes room for an explanation. Following it with “What concerns you most?” can help bring the central issue into focus.

Those habits remain useful long after children become adults.

What Military Training Taught Me

My military experience gave me lasting respect for discipline, clear instructions, and accountability.

As a drill sergeant, establishing understanding was part of the teaching responsibility. Asking a trainee to explain difficulty could help identify where further instruction or practice was needed.

Leadership requires judgment. Better information strengthens that judgment.

That principle carries into brokerage training: understand the difficulty, explain the standard, demonstrate the task, and check understanding.

Ask, Listen, Then Respond

In a client meeting, family discussion, or disagreement, try this sequence:

Invite: “Tell me more about your situation or position.”

Explore: “What brought you to this point?”

Confirm: “Let me make sure I understand what you are saying.”

Then offer your advice or explain your own position.

Courtesy, patience, and a willingness to hear someone out have lasting value. They help us make better decisions and show respect for the people affected by them.

Before your next important response, give the other person a little more room to explain.

“Tell me more” may be the most useful thing you say.

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